Starting Earlier
by SJlikeslists
Summary: The Terra Nova project decided to make Dr. Elisabeth Shannon an offer before Zoe was born.
1. Chapter 1

AN: If you read the chapter "Elisabeth" in "BSO," then this first chapter will look very familiar. It's mostly the same with the removal of the ending of Elisabeth having dreamed the situation. It's the start for an AU where she did, in fact, get her offer to go to Terra Nova before Zoe was born.

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

She thought that she might have felt better if there had been some form of clutter to be seen in the office. That may have been an odd thought for someone that spent her days working in a sterile as possible environment, but it was the way that she felt. There was nothing personal or identifying anywhere in sight. It was a space that was functional only. It was an incredibly uncomfortable place to wait. It was a good thing that she was not kept waiting for long.

"You're punctual, Dr. Shannon," the man the receptionist had referred to as Mr. Sawyer complimented her as he settled into the chair across the desk from her. "I appreciate that. I imagine you have some idea why we have contacted you."

"I'm not certain that I do," she answered honestly. "You must have a wide variety of medical professionals available to you from which you can choose."

"We would," he agreed, "if that were what we were looking for. As it so happens, there are other parts of your resume that have drawn our attention." Sawyer leaned forward and watched her carefully. It did nothing to quell the feeling of discomfort that the room was giving her.

"And those would be?" She inquired as she did her best to keep her expression neutral.

"Your research credentials are very impressive, Dr. Shannon," he smiled at her and settled back after he tapped the folder in front of him with an index finger. "I could recite your resume for you, but that would seem unnecessary as it is your resume. Early graduation, what I have been informed was absolutely brilliant work in a trio of different research venues, and then you changed tracks and decided to become a doctor who worked with patients instead of continuing to follow the lab track that you had been on previously. May I ask you why?"

She stared at the man across from her for a moment before she gave him her reply. She opted to give him the real one.

"Theoretical knowledge is never anything but random information that you have stored up in your head until you know appropriate ways to apply it."

Sawyer's smile got wider. "Most of your colleagues in your former field would disagree with that." She was not entirely certain that there was not a challenge of some sort hidden in the tone with which he uttered the words. She did not comment; she just lifted an eyebrow.

"What do you know about Terra Nova, Dr. Shannon?" He asked as he steepled his fingers underneath his chin and rested his elbows against the top of his desk.

"Only what has been publicized." Elizabeth had the strangest sense that she was sitting in the middle of a chess match that she had not realized that she was going to be playing and that whatever moves she chose to make were being assessed by Mr. Sawyer.

"Then, you know that we are building a civilization essentially from scratch. We can send through materials - electronics and supplies and what not, but the people that go through have to be able to cope with what they find there. We have sent engineers, medical personnel, and agricultural specialists. There is a heavy military contingent to help guard against a potentially hostile environment and all of the visible dangers. What Terra Nova does not have at this point in time is anyone to help guard it against the less visible dangers. Do you know what happens to people who are placed in an environment with which their immune systems have no familiarity?"

"They become sitting ducks." The why of her interview was starting to make more sense in some ways and less sense in others.

"Exactly, Dr. Shannon," he sounded pleased as if she were a child who had done well on a class assignment. "That's where you come in."

"You want someone who can figure out what you are dealing with and develop treatments or cures or even immunizations against it." She summarized.

"That's what we want." He agreed.

"You realize that that sort of work takes years of development and the work of quite a few people. It isn't something that someone just waltzes in and snaps their fingers over and viola the problem is solved." She admonished.

"We know that." He smiled at her, and she was somewhat startled to realize that the smile he was giving her felt genuine.

"You are also aware that I have not done that sort of work for over a decade." She felt called on to remind him.

"You weren't first on our list." He told her still smiling. She felt her eyebrow rise again.

"You were third." He elaborated.

"The others turned you down." She guessed.

"One of them did," he conceded. "The other suffered an unfortunate accident."

"And you've come down to me?" She questioned still not really understanding why she would have made their short list even if she had not been at the top of it.

"There's no need for self-depreciation, Dr. Shannon," his expression relaxed into something that she had difficulty reading. "Despite the time delay involved, your work was excellent, and you have something that your predecessors on the list don't have."

"And that is?"

"Variability," he pronounced as if there was something special about the word. "You have spent years doing hospital work. You are a trauma surgeon who everyone asked tells me is at the top of that particular field. You cannot flood a place like Terra Nova with new people. I'm certain that you understand the reasons why. If this project is to succeed, then it must learn to be independent. It has to become self-sustaining. Any sudden influxes of more people than have been prepared for can upset the delicate balance that we are striving to maintain."

"I understand the mechanics." She assured him. It was true that she would be capable of filling multiple roles, but she did not necessarily believe that that should have led to her sitting in this office.

"I'm pleased to know that someone does," Mr. Sawyer stated letting out a soft, sardonic chuckle. "Sometimes, I feel as though I am banging my head against a brick wall trying to make people understand that fact." He shook his head as if clearing it of unpleasant remembrances. "You hardly need a lecture on my difficulties in dealing with bureaucracies." He waved a hand between the two of them. "The aforementioned reasons are why you were third on the official list. You were first on mine. We need people that can multitask. You can provide the research into disease and immunology background that we need while filling the role of general medical personnel with the specialization in trauma surgery that will also likely be needed. I believe whole heartedly in this project, Dr. Shannon. That means that I have no illusions about the difficulties that will have to be overcome in order to make it a success. I'm a practical man, and you are a practical choice. Have you ever read Heinlein?"

"No." She responded trying to sort out her thoughts about the selling job that he was giving her.

"I'm going to quote him anyway because it is deeply appropriate for the situation at hand," he told her. "Specialization is for insects. I have no need for insects on this project. I need people. I need resourceful, adaptable people to send to Terra Nova - not insects who can only pursue their narrow focus."

"You think one of those people is me." She stated more to buy herself time than for any other reason.

"I think that is a decided possibility," he was smiling at her again. "I am offering you a place in the Third Pilgrimage, Dr. Shannon. I sincerely hope that you will take it."

"I have a family." She reminded him. She was certain that he already knew that. No one made the type of offer that he was making without knowing everything that there was to find out about the person to whom they were making the offer.

"Which is yet another reason for you to accept this offer," he countered.

"There have been no children included on the first two pilgrimages," she stated. Everyone knew that.

"That is completely accurate," he nodded his head as though he was pleased about something. "There will also be no children included on the Third." He was holding up a hand to ward off the words she was about to say before her mouth had even opened. "Wait, wait. I'm not finished. There were very good reasons for not sending children along in the early days of this experiment. I see no reason to elaborate on them because I am confident that you understand the logistics. Families of those who volunteered for the original pilgrimages will begin being sent on the Fourth. I can't guarantee that yours will be on that one, but I can guarantee that they will be on the Fifth at the latest. Before you dismiss anything out of hand based on the separation, let me reassure you that I want your family following behind you as quickly as possible. You may consider it manipulative of me, but I consider people with families a little more inherently trustworthy when it comes to giving their all in order to make the broader scope of the colony come into being. They have incentive beyond their personal interests. You are what we need in order for Terra Nova to have a future, Dr. Shannon. Terra Nova is what your children need to have a future. To me, it seems like this is an excellent opportunity for a mutually beneficial relationship on all sides."

"I need to discuss this with my husband," Elisabeth told him reeling a little bit with a slew of thoughts tumbling around in her head that was feeling entirely too full. She needed to think, and she was not going to be able to think sitting in this chair. She needed to talk things through and make sense of them. She needed Jim.

"I would not expect anything else," he told her with an inclination of his head, "but I'm afraid I must impose a time limit."

"How long?" She asked. She knew that it would not be much time. The Third Pilgrimage was leaving in just over three weeks.

"I can give you eight days." He told her making a show of glancing down at the screen on his desk. She was certain that it was not necessary for him to check. She was very sure that everything that Sawyer had said to her had been planned out and carefully scripted.

"I'll let you know as soon as I can," she assured him standing.

"Dr. Shannon," he offered her his hand as he stood with her. "I know that I may have been a little brisk in my explanation, but I forget, at times, that this is not the cut and dry decision for everyone else that I think that it should be." He squeezed her fingers and allowed his hand to drop to his side. "Just remember that you have an opportunity here to be a part of something. You have an opportunity to offer a chance to your children that they may never receive otherwise. Don't let the possibility of getting trapped in the illusion of everything being okay enough for now prevent you from reaching out for something better. Don't let the thought of a temporary separation keep you from the potential of a lengthy future with each other."

"It's not that I don't appreciate what you are attempting to convey with your pep talk," she began.

"But you really don't need for me to finish it?" He finished for her. "That's fair enough. I'll plan on hearing from you a week from tomorrow. Don't rush the deadline. Make your decision well. That's the most important thing - make your decision well."

* * *

"What if they don't, Jim?" She insisted feeling more than hearing as her voice climbed in volume. She was not sure what it was she had expected would happen after she explained the details of the offer to her husband, but that he would immediately jump to the conclusion that she should take it had not been on her list of possibilities. It, perhaps, should have been. Her husband was a risk taker and an act first and work out the details later type. He was also devoted to their family. She had expected that to counter everything else.

"You've seen the news on the new lottery system," he argued. "It's in the works for children to go. Why not ours?"

"It's not like I can come back if they don't keep their word," she threw at him. She needed him to think through the possibilities with her. She needed detached logic. She did not need this . . . this . . . whatever it was that he was doing. "We don't know these people. We literally know nothing about this Sawyer beyond his name. I can't just leave you and the kids and hope that it will all be okay."

"Hey, Elisabeth, look at me," he cradled her face with his hands and tilted her chin up so that they were making eye contact. "You're the one who is supposed to be the optimist in this relationship, remember? It's a scary prospect, us being apart, but at the end . . .," his voice trailed off and she realized that his eyes had glazed over for a moment. "I need you to think of what it would mean for us in the longer term. I know that I'm usually the in the moment guy, but we can't just be in the moment on this. We could get the kids out of this. We could take them to a place where we don't have to send them out every morning with a configuration of plastic over their faces to protect them from just being outside. Our children could literally be poisoned from walking outside that door, and we have a chance to remove them from that threat. How can we not do that?"

"How can we not stop and consider what other types of dangers we might be placing them in instead?" She countered even as she let herself sink further into her husband's touch. The two of them stood still and quiet letting the contents of their discussion settle. Elisabeth allowed her eyes to close and let herself just enjoy the moment in spite of the decision and the sort of but not completely disagreement that was hanging over their heads. They did not get nearly enough of this - the time to just be still together. Their schedules fluctuated, they had two children, and their apartment, while actually on the large side of what was available for rent, left the four of them practically on top of each other. Privacy and quiet moments with any member of her family were things to be cherished whenever she could manage to come by them. She needed Jim; Jim needed her. They kept each other balanced. How could they even be considering a course of action that required them to be away from each other? She felt him shift and sigh as he leaned closer and placed a kiss on her forehead. She let her eyes flutter open as his hands dropped from her face and fell to her shoulders before trailing down her arms and winding their fingers together. He left his chin resting against the top of her head.

"What happened to there is always hope?" He whispered against her hair.

"What happened to we can handle anything as long as we stick together?" She whispered back. Neither of them offered the other any further answers. They did not have time. The children were home from school.

"Mom," Maddy's voice called out as the door opened.

"Seriously?" Josh's voice came right after his sister's. "Shouldn't the two of you be getting too old for that sometime soon?" He asked in a mock disgusted tone. He shuffled past them and disappeared up the ladder that led to his sleeping space. There was an exaggerated flopping noise as he threw himself down on his bed.

"Not soon; not ever," Jim called after him as he turned to ruffle Maddy's hair. "Hey, sweetie, how was school?" He asked their daughter before mouthing over the top of her head. "We'll talk about this later."

"Later," Elisabeth moved back as she nodded her head in agreement as Maddy turned from hugging her father to give her an uncertain expression.

"They want to talk to you again," Maddy admitted looking down at her shoes for a moment. "They want to see if we will reconsider skipping."

Jim took a step back with his arms raised as if to say "this is your area." Elisabeth placed her arm around Maddy's shoulders and tilted their daughter's chin up in much the same way that Jim had done for her a few minutes before. "Have you changed your mind?" Maddy's eyes darted for a moment in the direction in which her older brother had disappeared before she met her mother's gaze and shook her head in the negative direction. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Maddy said quickly. "I told them that, but they still want to see either you or dad to make sure that we all have 'an adequate understanding of the situation' before they will accept my answer." She told her in the monotone voice that she always adopted when she was repeating something from the academic director at her school. They had been pushing Maddy to consider skipping a grade for over two years now, but Maddy had always been adamant that she did not want to do it. Elisabeth had her suspicions about Maddy's reluctance being tied to the fact that such a change would put her in the same grade as her brother, but her daughter had never come out and said so. She and Jim had never pushed her; it was something that they were both in agreement should be her decision. Thus, Maddy remained in her appointed year despite the often glaringly obvious lack of challenge that the repetition of material that she had already covered on her own presented. She usually spent some time wondering whether she was doing her daughter a disservice in not making her fully explain her motivations, but there were other things that were taking precedence in her thoughts at the moment.

Somehow, later was difficult to come by for her and Jim. Their schedules were often at cross purposes - him having cases that required odd hours to follow up on and her having a rotation of shifts at the hospital. Between that and not wanting to take the chance on the children hearing bits and pieces before they actually had a decision to give them, there was not much in the way of talking or discussing or explaining that they could do. Instead, the two of them were communicating via a serious of looks over the children's heads and small comments in passing that she wasn't certain were not doing less to clarify where they both were in their thought processes than more.

She kept telling herself that things were not really that bad. The air was a problem, but they had filters for that. She and Jim were both gainfully employed, and they could take care of their family at an acceptable level. They might never find their way into living in one of the domes that allowed you to walk from building to building without your face covered, but what was the point in living in a place that purported to allow you to look at the sky when there was really no sky to speak of at which to look. Her family was okay. They were doing okay, and, most importantly, they were together. Why should they take chances with that? It was not that she did not support the idea of Terra Nova in principle. She did. She had been awed at the first reports much like many others around the world. She wanted them to explore it. She wanted them to pursue the options it presented. She just did not want them to take her away from her family in order to do it.

Did that make her selfish? Maybe it did. She was willing to admit that Mr. Sawyer had been accurate in his assessment that Terra Nova had the potential to provide a future for her children that they would never receive where they were. The problem was that Terra Nova had potential. That potential might not come to fruition. It might never be anything other than potential. The options here might have certain limitations, but they were certain limitations. They were familiar limitations. She knew them. She knew how to work with them. She knew how to work around them. Most importantly, she was here with them to help them and protect them and guide them.

How was she supposed to walk away from that? How was she supposed to balance a chance of might be better with the certainty of abandoning them for years or even forever? Was that even a choice? Jim seemed to believe that it was. She could not make herself see it in quite those terms. Whatever happened was it not better for it to happen when they were together and could look out for each other? She was confused, and she was more confused by the day. The thought of looking Maddy and Josh in the eyes and telling them that she was leaving them behind and that she could make them no promises as to whether or not they would see her again made her sick to her stomach. She dwelled on the thought when she was supposed to be resting, and she made herself nauseous with the stress and pressure of it all. It was the same day after day until Maddy was looking at her with concern in her eyes, Josh was cleaning up after himself without being asked, and Jim was clenching his fists in unguarded moments in his someone I love is hurting and I cannot fix it mode every time that she turned around.

It was day six when Elizabeth realized that the nausea she was experiencing was not only because of the stress - she was pregnant. She was pregnant with their third child, and a family was four. She sank back on her heels where she was kneeling in their bathroom and let the thoughts swamp her. She was pregnant. There was going to be a baby. There would be three children plus two parents, and that was not allowed in the world where they were living. There were laws and consequences that dealt with the situation in which her family was about to find itself. She rested her hand over her abdomen and thought of Maddy and Josh. There was a baby, and the consequences for this baby were not ones that she wanted for any member of her family - not even the one who was not yet visible.

This world was not safe for a family with three children. An almost hysterical laugh started to bubble out of her throat, and she choked it back down. This world was not safe for a family with three children, but she did not have to stay in this world. She had the option to leave it. She could take this new baby to a world where the laws forbidding could not follow them. Suddenly, all of the arguments both for and against her accepting the spot became null and void. The only thing left to do was to try to explain to Maddy and Josh (Jim, she knew, would not require an explanation; he would be packing her things for her the moment that he knew).

Mr. Sawyer had received her answer with pleasure. She was enmeshed in pre-departure paper work before she had time to blink. She noticed that the majority of it (a look up at the smile Mr. Sawyer was giving her as he watched her get started on it told her who had been responsible for it) had already been filled out. She merely had to add a few details, place her signature in relevant places, and make an appointment for her psychiatric evaluation. They scheduled her for that very afternoon. Mr. Sawyer had made a small comment about not wanting to chance her changing her mind and given her a wink.

He needn't have worried. She couldn't change her mind - not now. He, however, could not know that. No one except Jim could know that - not yet. Maddy and Josh would not find out until after she was gone. There was simply too much riding on keeping the baby a secret for the two weeks remaining until she could get the little one safely beyond the reach of population control officers. After she went through the portal, well, she uncharacteristically did not do too much thinking about that. They could not send her back, but there was every chance that they might try to take out some other sort of penalty. She had to hope that this place that was supposed to be all about second chances for humanity contained people and a leadership who took that concept of giving second chances very seriously.

She found herself teary eyed during her evaluation as she talked about not wanting to leave her children in a world that was hostile to them when she had the opportunity to make them part of something better. She was sure that the interviewer thought that she was discussing her two known children and the environment around them. She was really talking about her unknown third child and the people who made the laws that governed the prescription for her nonexistence. They did not seem disturbed by her display of emotion (which was good as she was feeling particularly crying inclined that day and did not think she could have stopped it no matter how much effort she had placed on trying). She was fairly certain that she caught the words "will be decidedly dedicated in her efforts" mentioned between two of the workers as she was gathering her things to go and had the distinct impression that the words had been about her.

They were not wrong in their determination of her mental state. She would be dedicated in her efforts. It was vitally important to her that Terra Nova succeed. It was the only chance that her family was ever going to have of being a family that was again together.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

The first thing that Dr. Elisabeth Shannon did after she finished stepping through the portal was to throw up - copiously.

It became quickly apparent that interdimensional travel and pregnancy were not a good mix. She had never been so sick in her life. She had experienced moderate morning sickness with her first two pregnancies, but this was something that belonged in a completely different category. She did not think that it was ever going to stop. Quite frankly, if she had been in a better position to think about it, then she would have been hard pressed to figure out from where it was coming. It was not as though she had eaten anything that day; she had been too nervous that something was going to go wrong. She could not seem to stop.

Some gracious person near her had reached out and placed a hand on her arm in order to help keep her steady. She was certain that they were likely regretting their kindness. She would have liked to offer a thank you, but talking was impossible as the waves of nausea that had become nothing but dry heaving continued to wash over her. She would have liked to sit down, but she had had enough presence of mind to notice that she was not currently on solid ground. She was standing in water that was all the way up over her knees. When the last wave of nausea seemed to have passed, she focused on catching her breath while the still unknown person next to her was sort of semi awkwardly patting her on the back.

She, at that point, allowed her mind to process what the standing water all around her meant. Elisabeth tensed up while a list of all the awful things that could be found in a pool of contaminated, standing water ran through her mind. She felt the choking sensation in her throat start to build back up again. She managed to shove it down when she remembered where it was that she was. This would not be the water which she was familiar with (or had heard of since large bodies of standing water were something that she had not actually been near since she had been a child). This water should not carry all the dangers of the water that was back in her own time.

The carefully fought off nausea came back with a vengeance when she remembered that she had no idea what type of dangers might be lurking in the water swirling around her knees and the mud that was pulling at her shoes. When next she was very aware of her surroundings, she was sitting on solid ground with a breathing mask placed over her face that she pushed off as soon as she assessed herself enough to know that she was breathing appropriately.

"Hey," the woman next to her said. "How are you feeling? It looks like the jump hit you pretty hard."

"I'm better; I think," Elisabeth said realizing that she instinctively wanted to blink at the level of light available as she looked around her. The woman talking to her was blonde and had that hovering look about her that Elisabeth was used to seeing in nurses that were new in the ER. "Did I . . .," she started to ask.

The other woman waved her off with a semi rueful smile. "Naw," she said. "There was a convenient body of water to catch most of it. Besides, I was in Detroit in '32. It takes more than a little motion sickness to gross me out. Deena Sattler." She offered her hand.

"Elisabeth Shannon," she answered taking the offered hand and shaking it.

"So," Deena remarked conversationally, "do you think they wanted to literally throw us in the deep end by dumping us in a giant puddle, or do you think that they were a little less than up front and honest about how much they actually control with the portal?" She did not wait for an answer. "That older gentleman over there helped me get you to the shore or bank or whatever this is before the soldiers got here. He's stouter than he looks; it's a good thing because, no offense, but I really don't think that I could have managed to haul you over here all by myself. You were a little out of it there for a while. I was glad to see the cavalry arrive with those CO2 canisters."

"Thank you for your assistance."

She shrugged. "It's fine. I was wanting an excuse to talk to you anyway," she admitted. "I'm feeling a little outnumbered, and I figured I should try to make a friend early." She gave a glance around at the mostly male pilgrims that were surrounding them and the mostly male figures in uniform that were helping various members with canisters and breathing masks and the like.

Elisabeth found herself fighting off an urge to laugh. It might have been a bit of a hysterical reaction. She had been stressed and worried. Her nerves had been playing havoc with her; she had been caught up in a slew of last minute second thoughts that maybe the decision that she and Jim had reached had not been the correct one. It was a bit much to find oneself outside of the reach of population control officers and people who might have discovered her secret. No matter what happened now, they could not send her back. It was relieving as much as it was scary. Deena's casual observation of the fact that the women of the group were a decided minority seemed to be that proverbial last straw that wanted to send her off into amused, relieved, and heart wrenched over the fact that the rest of her family was well and truly out of her reach (maybe forever) mixture of laughter and tears. She held it back. The woman beside her had seen quite enough from her already that day.

"What will you be working on here?" She asked in an attempt to pull the focus away from her sudden illness. It was likely paranoid on her part (she felt as if she had been nothing but paranoid since the moment she had realized), but she would prefer to avoid any confrontations over her pregnancy until she had a better sense of this place and its power structure.

"I'm a botanist," Deena told her with a smile that looked more certain of itself than her previous expression. "Apparently there is a whole lot of plant life here that no one knows what to do with, and they want someone to help them sort through it." She let her head tilt to the side a bit as if she was considering something. "Also, I paid my way through school working in an agricultural dome, so I'm thinking that I'm supposed to be able to cover a couple of different bases. What about you?"

"Trauma surgeon," Elisabeth replied. "I also have a background in disease and treatment research. So, I think the multiple bases covering idea likely applies."

"We may be doing some work together then," Deena sounded pleased. "At least I hope we will. They've got to be less rigid about keeping boundaries between disciplines here than back home, don't they?" She suddenly sounded unsure. "I mean there aren't going to be enough people for them to be all picky about everyone staying in their spot, right?"

"Story there?" Elisabeth asked feeling a genuine smile (not a partially hysterical one) flitting at the corners of her mouth.

"Didn't you have any stodgy professors who insisted that you could only focus on one thing at a time?" She questioned.

"I think I always ignored that," Elisabeth responded.

"I knew you were a good choice to talk to," Deena grinned. "Outside of the box rebels have to stick together. Would it be unbelievably tacky if I made a comment about us inheriting the earth? Or would it be prepossessing? I am very confused about my proper verb tenses here."

Elisabeth laughed out loud. "You sound just like my daughter," she answered the confused look. "It's good to have something of Maddy around."

"You have a daughter?"

"And a son. They've stayed with my husband."

"They'll be here before you know it." She noticed Deena's reaction to the frown that stole over her features nearly before she realized that she was, in fact, frowning.

"Hey, they will," the other woman insisted. "I know it probably doesn't seem like it now, but they'll be standing in their own questionable puddle of water soon enough. Maybe even puking their guts up and meeting their new best friends when someone graciously helps them to shore if motion sickness is genetic? Is it? Do you know?"

"New best friend?"

"Why not?" Deena said with a shrug. "I don't know about you, but I've never really had a best friend before - just colleagues and a lot of work that filled up my time. You?"

"I had my husband."

"Yeah, I've never had one of those. I don't actually have any family. No one's going to be following me here, so I think that the Shannons should adopt me." Deena blinked and looked surprised for a moment before continuing.

"Wow, I don't usually talk this much. And I definitely don't usually go around spilling my guts to strangers. I think all the fresh air has made me giddy."

Deena kept by her side but refrained from talking as they wound their way through the jungle that she kept finding herself staring at as they walked. It was all very surreal. She noticed that it was not just her - Deena and the others that she happened to notice as she looked around were doing the same. It was very colorful in a way that she was not used to, but some of the noises that she was hearing made her very glad to see the walls that surrounded the settlement.

Commander Taylor's speech of welcome was not what she was expecting. She had been looking for there to be talk of what was expected of each of them or of the great honor that they had been given to be a part of this great undertaking. Instead, what she got was a man reminding them that they were being given a chance that none of them had ever really expected to have. He was issuing a challenge that they should rise to the occasion; they should build something that would be worthy of the second chance that they had accepted by coming here. For the first time since she had realized that she was pregnant, she let her thoughts think beyond the immediate. The man making that speech was someone that she knew nearly nothing about. There was every possibility that they were merely scripted words meant to stir up the new recruits, but she found herself hoping (for the sake of the well-being of the baby that no one in this world was yet aware of) that he actually meant the things which he was saying.

She needed him to be a true believer in them all starting over.

When Taylor left them in the hands of his second in command for a discussion about housing assignments, Deena actually grabbed her hand, lifted it in the air, and called out "Dibs!" Everyone was staring at them as if they had just ruined some sort of a solemn moment, but Elisabeth found herself again inclined to laugh. It was a nice change from the near tears intensity that she had been feeling while listening to the welcome speech. Her emotions were all over the place (and she didn't think that she could entirely blame her pregnancy hormones for that fact).

"Unless you object," Deena told her looking a little bit contrite. "You can object. I won't be offended. I'm having a really weird day."

Elisabeth didn't object. She was having a really weird day herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

Terra Nova took a lot of getting used to for Elisabeth Shannon. She thought that part of that might be because she spent so much of her day doing the same things that she had been doing before. When she was in the lab, it was like nothing had changed. Then, she would walk outside and remember that the whole world was different. It was disconcerting. Other people seemed to be taking many of the aspects of their lives in stride - surgical instruments that weren't there, dinosaurs reaching over the top of the fence to eat leaves, and a sky that was so bright (both day and night) that her brain kept trying to tell her that her eyes were playing tricks on her. She kept finding it all catching her by surprise.

She missed her children and Jim with an intensity that she felt as a solid, physical ache in her chest. She found herself contemplating a dozen times a day whether or not they had made the correct decision by splitting their family apart. She did what she always did when things felt like they were overwhelming (and she did not have her husband to keep her anchored). She threw herself into her work. She took on extra tasks without being asked. In addition to driving herself hard enough that she collapsed in exhaustion when she went to bed instead of sitting in the dark worrying over her family and keeping herself so busy that she had little time to dwell, this had the extra benefit of making her necessary to the people around her and the larger colony as a whole. She was putting a lot of effort into making sure that no one would be able to question her usefulness.

It was currently her greatest fear that (in lieu of being able to punish her and the baby by sending them back) they would declare her deal null and void and refuse to bring the rest of her family through the portal. She had no control over that possibility, and it ate away at her in consequence. She was tired all of the time, but she couldn't tell whether that was the pregnancy or the heaviness of her schedule. She pushed through it and kept working just the same. A couple of dizzy spells that almost caught the attention of those working around her drove the point home for her that she could not afford to be neglectful of things like making sure she ate adequate meals in a timely manner. She had gotten a functional handle on the crying. She had, at least, been managing to restrain herself from any sudden outbursts in public.

Elisabeth was a planner, so she made a checklist of tasks which she needed to complete. Getting a feel for the people around her and their likely reactions was on the list as was her laser focused work schedule. She wanted to find or do something truly useful for the colony before anyone found out - give herself a bit of currency to spend on understanding. She wasn't sure that that would happen. She had no delusions about her field of research study - things did not come about overnight. She had also given herself a time limit.

She felt that it was vitally important that Taylor learn the truth from her and no one else. She had given herself eight weeks with which to work. The days kept slipping away from her more quickly than she had expected. She knew that she would always be able to come up with reasons why any particular day should not be the day, but she also knew that there was only so long that she could hide her condition. Then, in the middle of week seven, her secret wasn't her secret any longer.

She was (for once) not thinking about how soon she would need to tell as she sat at the counter that served as the table in the kitchen of the little house that she and Deena shared with another woman that had left for a six month rotation at an outpost during their third week there. It was a rare day where they both had some down time around noon, and Deena had offered to make an actual sit down lunch instead of the grab and go rations that the two of them tended to eat in the middle of the day.

Elisabeth had been a little wary of the ugly creature the market insisted was a fish that Deena had brought home the previous evening, but they had both heard some of the others rave about it. Elisabeth wasn't entirely sure that sampling all of the culinary options now available to them was the best idea for her (she considered herself lucky that the teacher of her survival training course had not found it anything other than amusing when she had thrown up during the section where they had discussed the edibility of various insects). Deena, however, had been determined - stating that Elisabeth's skills as a surgeon should come in handy if she couldn't figure out the butchering part of the process.

Elisabeth had actually gotten caught up at the clinic with setting a broken wrist and been too late to be part of any of the prep work. Given the way that Deena was humming when she arrived, she thought it likely that the other woman hadn't minded.

"Hey," she had greeted her already used to the sudden changes that were always occurring in her housemate's schedule and not bothering with an inquiry. "I have no idea what this is going to taste like, but I've clearly done something right because it smells amazing."

Elisabeth had to agree. Smells caught her off guard sometimes these days, but everything about the way the house currently smelled had her mouth watering. It felt like it had been ages since she had eaten breakfast. She didn't know what all Deena had done to the scaly beast to make the dish in front of her, but she was going to have to get her to jot it down. This was definitely something that they would be repeating.

They were casually trading snippets about their days, and Elisabeth was forking another bite into her mouth when it happened.

"So, how far along are you?" Deena asked her with a casual wave of her hand in the direction of Elisabeth's stomach.

The piece of fish she was attempting to swallow was suddenly plastered to the back of her throat instead of in her mouth, and she was gasping and coughing as she desperately tried to dislodge it. Deena had jumped up and was standing behind her thumping her on the back in a clumsy attempt at helping her to breathe better.

It was not how she had imagined any of her explanations beginning. She had actually been putting off doing much imagining of the specifics of how her explanations were going to go - not practical in the least, she knew, and not in keeping with her normal compulsion to plan. She had been telling herself to get through her checklist first. She had been telling herself that a moment of inspiration would eventually come to her. Half spitting and half coughing a fork full of fish back onto her plate while her housemate kept periodically pounding on her back as if she couldn't quite tell whether or not the whole episode was over was not the stuff of which she expected inspiration to be made.

She wasn't feeling inspired. She was feeling overwhelmed and like she wanted to curl up into a ball in her room and cry while wishing for Josh and Maddy to be wrapped in her arms while Jim held on to her. She couldn't do that. She didn't have time for that. She was frantically telling herself that she had to think of something to say until it became clear that she actually didn't (at least not to Deena).

"I probably should have led up to that better, huh?" Deena was asking her with a rueful smile. "Anyway, just so you know, I haven't knitted for ages but my fingers should still know how. If we can find some things to use, then baby blankets will be forthcoming."

That was it. There were no recriminations or questions. There was just Deena being Deena. They went back to eating their lunch (choking free for the rest of the meal), and Elisabeth made her way back to the clinic.

The scene during their meal made two things very clear to her. First, the new friend who had just inserted herself into her life was going to have her back no matter how the rest of the colony reacted. It was comforting to know that, and it made her want to cry for happy reasons for once instead of the heartsick ones that she had been fighting off since before she even got to Terra Nova. Second, she was out of time. She realized that Deena lived with her and, therefore, had a better chance of noticing things than random people around the settlement, but she needed to stop stalling.

She went to Commander Taylor that evening. It was a deeply awkward interview (on her side) but not for the reasons that she had expected. She had thought that there might be some accusing words. She had thought that there would be recriminations and harshness. She had even been bracing herself to not break down in public if she ended up being told that the rest of her family coming to join her was being revoked in retaliation. She received none of those things.

The man had merely looked at her for a long while until she was practically fidgeting under his gaze in a manner that she had not since she was a schoolgirl being scolded by her father. It was highly uncomfortable (made more so by the fact that she did not feel as if she had any other options but to sit quietly and allow the man to process what she had told him). When he finally spoke, it was to ask her a question. It wasn't one of the dozens that she had run through her head on her way to his office.

"Is that why you agreed to come?" He asked settling back in his chair as if he was moving to a better position for studying her features as she answered.

"There were a . . .," she started. He stopped her before even she knew for certain what it was that she was going to say.

"Did finding out about the baby make your decision for you?" He asked still looking at her in that manner that she found unnerving.

"Yes," she replied deciding that there was no reason to equivocate on the matter. She did not know what answer it was that he was looking for from her. She did not know what it was that he was thinking. But yes was the honest answer to that question, and she had come to be honest with him. What else was there to say?

"Doing right by your child isn't something that anyone should ever be faulted for," he told her with an expression in his eyes that she could not quite decipher. "Terra Nova is glad to have you, Dr. Shannon, and we'll be glad to have this little one." He smiled at her then and switched topics with a rapidity that left her blinking as she attempted to process whether or not she had truly heard what she thought she had. "I hear nothing but complimentary things about your work, Dr. Shannon - complimentary things and accolades about how willing to pitch in to cover extras you are. That's going to need to slow down, I'm thinking. It's been a long time, but I seem to remember adequate rest being important. We all need each other here, and that means we need you healthy more than we need you frantically busy. Are we clear?"

Elisabeth found herself nodding her head.

"Was there anything else?" He asked her when he noticed that she hadn't moved to leave.

Was there anything else? She felt that she should have been the one asking that question, but it was clear from the man's expression that the conversation was over as far as he was concerned. That was all there was to it. She knew that it wouldn't be universally that easy. She had spent enough time around some of the others to know that there might be a few snide comments and some huffing coming in her direction, but she could ignore those as easily as she could breathe the unfiltered air in this place so long as she knew that the person in charge wasn't going to take away her family's chance of being together again.

She was going to have to study the marketplace a little better to see if she could find Deena any materials that would be appropriate for knitting.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

He and Elisabeth had always been partners. They worked together on their marriage, on their home, and on their children. They were a team. They had each other's backs and filled in for each other's weak spots. They worked. Other people had commented over the years about their differing backgrounds and personalities (most especially Elisabeth's father who he was fairly certain had never forgiven him for marrying his little girl even though she was a grown woman who was completely capable of being entrusted with life and death situations on a daily basis) and made subtle comments or asked not so subtle questions about how they handled those things.

The answer was simple. It had always been simple. They were a team.

This was a different type of working together than they had experienced ever before, however, and Jim wasn't entirely comfortable with it. He knew, of course, that it was what needed to be done. He had been absolutely certain of that even before they knew about the baby (and knowing that the baby was coming had only served to entrench him further in the knowledge that he was right about what needed to happen next). He was still certain that they were doing the right thing. He was also pretty positive that it was all going to work out for the five of them. He was usually a little more cynical about things like that, but he knew his wife was amazing. That recruiters for a project like Terra Nova would recognize that and want her on board wasn't something that he could find surprising.

Knowing that this was necessary and knowing that it would all be okay did not make the practical application any easier on him.

He had to let his pregnant wife go off to a dinosaur invested land without him to look after her and make sure that she was protected. That was a level of hard for him that he was never going to be able to put into words. It was his job to keep her safe. It was his job to keep all of them safe. That was why he had to keep reminding himself that he needed to keep an eye on the bigger picture. This was how to keep the baby safe. This was how to get Josh and Maddy to a place that was safer (scary creatures with big teeth and a large enough disease threat that they wanted his wife there to help fight it off in the first place had to be more manageable than not being able to breathe).

This was a temporary situation that would get them to permanent togetherness. He could deal with this. He could do this. He could bury his fears for his wife and unborn child and trust that she was tougher than other people gave her credit for being. He could trust that she was an asset for their colony and that meant that they would be invested in her well-being.

He just had to get through about a year of trusting and doing this single parent thing.

It put him on edge to know that he was operating without back up for a while, but it was only temporary. He and Josh were going to rub each other the wrong way, and he was going to have to walk them through that without Elisabeth as a mitigating factor. She had made sure he was aware of that before she had gone. He knew they were a lot alike; he just hadn't realized how much work it took to keep that from being a problem in close quarters until he was watching Maddy trying to step in and force the middle ground.

Maddy was another set of problems altogether mostly because she tried so hard not to ask for things that she thought might cause a problem. He really hoped that there were no girl related issues that cropped up before they were reunited with her mother. It wasn't that he wouldn't step up and try, but he had no illusions about the fact that there were times that Maddy functioned on a wavelength that he couldn't seem to follow.

It was like the constant battle that they were fighting with her school. She had told them repeatedly that she did not want to skip her current grade (never willing to offer a reason as to why), but they seemed to not want to take her no as an actual answer. Elisabeth had always dealt with that situation before. Jim had stayed out of it. As far as he was concerned, whatever Maddy wanted was fine, but they kept sending him messages about retarding her development and failure to reach her full potential. It had him second guessing himself, but he held on to the knowledge that Elisabeth had never pushed her to jump ahead.

Maddy, mostly, just wanted to read everything even tangentially related to Terra Nova that she could get her hands on in order to deal with the separation of their family. He also had no delusions that their house had suddenly developed self-cleaning capabilities. Keeping herself busy Maddy cooked and cleaned, and he and Josh neither one considered stopping her. He figured if she wanted to stop, then she would. He thought that Josh was looking at it from a the less he had to do the better standpoint, but he caught the way his eyes would follow his sister when she wasn't paying attention as if he was watching for some sign that there was anything going on that he needed to know about, so he wasn't sure.

Josh seemed determined to prove that he wasn't worried about anything (in true teenage boy fashion that Jim had hoped was still a few years away) by throwing himself into a series of new activities that became the center of his universe momentarily before flaming out and being tossed to the wayside as he lost interest. His latest was an adamant demand that he needed guitar lessons. He even threw in some phrases about the lack of necessity for putting any more money back into their rainy day fund when they were going to be leaving soon as a suggestion for paying for them.

In the end, Jim paid for the lessons (even though he should have refused on principle because of Josh's attitude) because he knew the kid needed some sort of an outlet. It didn't hurt that Maddy had looked at him all wide eyed and innocent from across the table where they were eating the dinner she had made one night and oh so casually mentioned what a shame it would be if they put off learning things that there was no one to teach them after they moved.

The girl was good for her age, but Josh's choking on the bite he had just taken kind of ruined the effect.

He waited three months before he told them about the baby, and he couldn't even tell himself why it took him so long. There had been so much riding on keeping it a secret at the start, but he thought he might have been holding on to the information as some sort of last thing that was only him and Elisabeth in something together. He didn't know. He just knew that he couldn't put it off forever. He didn't want them going through that portal unprepared. Besides, it was happy news. They could all use some more happy moments wherever they could get them.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

It turned out that knitting supplies were not something that were in high demand in the Terra Nova marketplace. That didn't seem to deter Deena as she went from vendor to vendor looking for something that she might be able to repurpose. Elisabeth wasn't sure that she liked the way that the other woman kept studying the teeth on that vicious looking fish that was making a regular appearance on their dinner table. She kept having visions of gashes in hands and lobbed off fingers. Luckily, Deena had redirected her attention to other less sharp items and wondering out loud why it was that there didn't seem to be what she needed already around somewhere.

"We're supposed to be turning this place toward self-sufficiency, aren't we?" She had asked while she unloaded a bag of groceries on their kitchen counter as Elisabeth was getting ready to head back in to the clinic to do rounds after her per Commander Taylor ordered afternoon rest period.

The man had insisted that she split her shifts into morning and evening sessions so that she could have a break in the middle of the day. In truth, it was making her a little bit nuts the way the man kept making his suggestions that weren't necessarily suggestions, but she couldn't deny that it was nice to be able to put her feet up for a while between her morning in the lab and her evening checking on patients. The difference in her schedule had the extra benefit of keeping her separate from her most vocally disapproving acquaintance in the colony - a fellow doctor (general practitioner) who had had the run of the clinic all to himself before her arrival. She was never quite sure whether he was truly disapproving or whether it offered a convenient excuse for him to vent his ire at having to share what had been solely his province with another person. He certainly quoted enough cherry picked examples from history of colonization attempts that had barred children entirely to make it sound as if he had a long standing bias. The splitting of her work day put her entering the clinic after he was gone for the day and communication via chart notes and nurses seemed to work better for the both of them. She was confident enough in her observations of how Terra Nova worked to believe that that might have had equal weight in Taylor's insistence that she needed to do her work in smaller, spread out increments as her occasional tiredness and swollen ankles.

She let herself think about Deena's question as she made her way toward the clinic. Her housemate was right. The recruitment process was riddled with statements about Terra Nova becoming able to function without materials from the other side of the portal being a necessity. The reports on the news and statements from the public relations department of the project all used that as one of their talking points. As Deena had mentioned, the one backpack (oversize though it was) luggage limit meant that people did not bring extensive wardrobes with them when they came. It wasn't like the colony was setting up textile mills either. Deena had mentioned that food crops were a priority and the current focus of the agriculture projects with a small section devoted to medicinal items. She could understand that they needed a stable food supply, but they were going to need to expand into other areas if the colony was ever going to truly thrive. Clothing came in with the other supplies that came with each Pilgrimage through the portal, but it was something that it would seem logical to make less of a priority by supplying it for themselves.

It was a few days later (on a coinciding day off) that Deena insisted she join her on yet another excursion to the marketplace. It was then that Deena proudly introduced her to Casey Durwin and his stall filled with odds and ends of every variety. He didn't have any knitting needles, Deena informed her, but he was fairly certain that he could carve some. She had talked to every person in the ag and botany research personnel data bases (Elisabeth wasn't certain if she was exaggerating or if she had literally done that) and gotten a lead on a couple of plants that pulled into fibers and one that grew soft tufts that could theoretically be used in a similar manner as traditional cotton.

Taylor had given his whole hearted approval, and Deena was on the official colony schedule to teach a course in knitting and fiber arts so long as everything went as planned.

"You'll have the best dressed baby from here to the 22nd century in no time," she assured her.

"Give me a little time, and I'll see what I can do in the way of a crib," Casey added.

Elisabeth burst into tears. Casey excused himself and rolled away (even though they were standing at his booth).

Deena shushed her and patted her on the back and guided her back to the little cottage that could so easily be home if only the rest of her family was inside of it.

This had been the right choice. She and Jim had made the right choice. This baby was going to come into a world where she was so, so loved. She would be wanted. She would be safe. There would be no hiding. There would be no worries about population control officers that might take her away. There would be no one telling her that her life was illegal.

There would be these people around her from the start - happy to help and trying their best to make her early days as comfortable as possible. She would live her entire life in this place where the sky was clear and flowers were natural. She would spend her days with the sort of people who hurried their footsteps to open doors for her mother while offering her a wistful smile (men she was fairly sure were missing their own wives and children) and a sincere congratulations (no one outside of her immediate family had ever used the word congratulations when she had announced either of her previous pregnancies). She settled her hands over the bump that was becoming more visible at her midsection.

"This place is right - for all of us," she whispered to the little one. She could hardly wait for the rest of their family to join them to see just how right their decision had been.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

Maddy once made a comment about feeling like she was out of sync with the other people around her. It was one of those quiet things that she used to say sometimes when everyone was too otherwise occupied to be paying much attention. He had heard her call it filter failure once. The expression on her face after she let those types of things slip out was always one of either embarrassment or agitation that she had let it be said out loud.

The truth was that he wasn't sure that anyone but him ever actually heard those comments. Maddy had a way of biting back her words and getting this look in her eyes like she expected a bad reaction to speaking that she had developed during her first couple of years at school that had never gone away. He had always understood that his little sister had a way of looking at things and thinking about them that made it harder for her to fit in with the school hierarchy (not least of which was the way that she tended to spin things in the most positive manner possible that was completely out of line with the way most of the kids they attended classes with preferred to dwell on angst and the general hopelessness of the world around them). He had, however, never before really understood what it was she had meant by out of sync.

He learned quickly in the weeks after his mother left for Terra Nova. Everything had moved so quickly from the moment that his parents had announced that she was going to the day that she had actually gone that there had not been much time for preparing for it or thinking about what it was going to mean. Very few people had even known that she was going before she had already departed. As the news filtered through the various social strata of their lives, Josh found himself feeling like he was an outsider in his own life for the first time. He didn't think that people were doing it deliberately (well, most people, there were a few people who were intentionally making snide comments). There just seemed to be an ever widening gap between his friends' lives and his own.

When they talked about the bleakness in the world, he was excluded because he was going somewhere that they had all been told wasn't bleak. When they speculated about the future, Josh was excluded because he was no longer a part of theirs. He was going away, and he would never be coming back. In some bizarre way, it was like he was dying - as if they were unconsciously creating distance so that the jolt wouldn't be as shocking when the moment finally came. It was weird, and it was awkward. He found himself pulling further away in response. They were still his friends in the casual sense of the word, but they were no longer people that he could talk to about anything real. He had always been part of groups. He had never done the loner thing. He found that he didn't care much for it. He threw himself into a series of activities to attempt to plug up the hole that it felt like had been left in his life.

His dad didn't get it - he could tell. He could almost hear the eye rolling that the man was doing behind his back whenever he announced that he was switching to something else. He just wanted something to fill in the space. He just wanted something to take up his time so that there wasn't so much of it for him to spend on thinking. He didn't want to think about how his mom wasn't ever going to be there when he came home to their apartment again. He didn't want to have the opportunity to think about what he all knew they were thinking (even optimistic Maddy) that none of them were saying out loud - that they couldn't guarantee that the people from the project would keep their word.

It wasn't like they had any way to force the Terra Nova people to let them follow his mother through the portal. If something happened to change the plans for family to follow, then they would be separated forever. He kind of hated that none of them would come right out and say it. He really hated the way that his parents hadn't even touched on the topic when they made their announcement. He hated even more that he had no one with whom he could talk about all of the thoughts that he didn't want to be thinking.

Who was there to talk to about it all? Was he supposed to discuss it with the friends who were drifting farther away with every passing day? Was he supposed to casually slip it into conversation with the ones who were going to be left here in this rotting world while he went off to a place that wasn't dying? He knew better than to think that his venting about everything that might go wrong would go over well there. Was he supposed to talk to his little sister? Was he supposed to dish out all of his insecurities in front of the one that he was supposed to be brave for because he was the older sibling and the brother? Was he supposed to add on something extra for the one who was going to put herself into an exhaustion induced coma with her obsessive compulsive cleaning and intensive cooking experiments? Was he supposed to talk to his dad? Was he supposed to maneuver through that minefield with the man who had made it clear with his every vocal tone and facial expression that he didn't want to hear so much as a whisper that they wouldn't all be back together in some sort of mythical paradise soon?

Josh couldn't talk to anyone. What he could do was do things, so he did. He did lots of things that took up his time and nothing that actually accomplished what it was that he wanted to accomplish. Then, he heard about the chance to take guitar lessons. He didn't know why, but something about the words on the ad on his screen felt like they were calling him. It would be an activity that would require practice - hours and hours of practice where he would have to focus on the placement of his fingers and the sound of the chords. He could learn the basics, and he could write his own music. He had grandiose visions of taking everything that he was feeling and pouring it out into a series of sounds that could get it out of his own head in a format that no one would be able to call him out on or scoff at him for doing.

He wanted that.

The money was the first thing that his dad mentioned. He was willing to admit that he took the whiney, guilt trip route in trying to get his way. It hadn't looked like it was working, and he hadn't known what else to try. He hadn't known how to express to his dad (of all people) how desperately he needed that outlet. In the end, he didn't have to find a way. Maddy handled it for him in one succinct, rapid fire comment over dinner.

The lessons were his.

He had never expected the news that his father dropped on them a few months after the Third Pilgrimmage. He had also never expected that the first song he would write on his own would be a lullaby.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: _Terra Nova_ is not mine.

Elisabeth likes these people. She likes laughing with Deena as she watches stitches from the hand carved needles slowly become recognizable shapes. She likes chatting with the nurses in the clinic about what was available in the market at any given time. She likes small talk with people as she passes them on her way from place to place (she doesn't think that she has ever engaged in small talk before outside of an awkward first date setting).

There is something about this place that builds a sense of camaraderie among the people that dwell within the walls. They aren't just inhabiting the same space. They aren't just nameless faces covered in plastic making their way down a too crowded sidewalk in a hurry to get to wherever they are going (or, at least, to make their way back inside). Every person in the community is an individual (and is recognized as such). In the world from which she came, people are more likely to be considered numbers or statistics than individuals (such recognition was reserved for family and the closest of friends). She isn't certain whether it is because there are so few of them or because of the rather cut off nature of their existence. She doesn't know whether it is something else entirely that she has not yet identified. She just knows that it is.

People know her here - not just her name or her occupation. They remember the names of her children. They commiserate over missed spouses. She would have considered the interest with suspicion before. It would have felt odd for people unconnected to her to know things about her and her family. She would have wondered why and been concerned at the scrutiny. In this place, it just feels like fellow waiters counting the days until they get to be reunited with the people that they love.

Elisabeth likes it here. She is surprised by that -pleasantly so. This place had been a means to an end; it had never figured into her thoughts (or her desperation) that she would legitimately enjoy it. That had been irrelevant.

Now, she can honestly say that she is happy that her family will be living here (for more reasons than their immediate or long term safety).

She clucks her tongue over Taylor when someone (usually his second in command) forces him to come into the clinic in order to get something checked. She smiles at Tate when he comes in for another in a string of treatment sessions of different things that they try to combat his allergies as he talks about his not so little any more girl (she believes around Josh's age) and how he hopes she doesn't want any window boxes of flowers when she gets here. She raises her eyebrows at Deena behind Reynolds' back when the man wanders by to bring her housemate a sample of a plant that he just happened to notice out on one of his patrols that he thought she might find interesting. She holds back the tears (knowing that they make the man uncomfortable) until Casey has left after delivering her baby's newly made crib.

The list goes on and on, and she wants her family to know these people. She wants them to be a part of this place.

The time seems to go quickly and slowly all at the same time. On some days, she feels like she cannot even see the end. On other days, she feels like her life is so full of tasks that she loses weeks when she blinks. She cries the night after the Fourth arrives feeling like it will be forever until they are all together again. She goes into a hormonal circle that has her convinced that they are going to be trapped on the other side and every gesture of kindness made in her direction leaves her sobbing because they are not with her to see it. (It's Tate, actually, that talks her around in the midst of that one with some casual comments that let her know that she isn't alone in getting discouraged every time an open portal isn't the one that is going to spill out her family.)

She loses all track of the days during the time she is desperately researching some treatment for the fever that periodically plagues the colony (that has cycled back into an on cycle around the time that she gets beyond her mild depression). She has worked with the samples that they had in storage off and on since her arrival, but the upswing in infections has her focused (and confined to the lab rather than the clinic proper per orders from Taylor). The challenge and feeling of time being in direct opposition to her leaves her little room for thinking of anything else. The day that Reynolds wakes up and squeezes Deena's hand after she finally finds something that stops the progression is the day she stops to take a breath and realizes that she is actually six days beyond her due date.

She goes into labor 32 hours later.

Zoe Dee Shannon makes her appearance a scant three hours after that (once she decided that it was time to come, she decided to come in a hurry).

The room is buried in plant life that her brain wanted to call exotic (but is really just normal for their new world) two hours after that.

"People used to send flowers when people were in the hospital," Deena informs her as she makes her way around the various pots to get a closer look at the little girl wrapped in a handmade blanket and clasped against her mother's chest.

"I've heard that," Elisabeth told her letting her head sink a little further back against the pillow behind her.

"I thought it might be a fun custom to revisit," the other woman told her looking around with a slightly wrinkled forehead. "I didn't realize that it would catch on quite so quickly."

Elisabeth just smiled and offered her daughter over for her best friend to hold. She was missing Jim something awful, but if they had to be apart when this happened, then she was in the best possible place that she could be.

* * *

There was a part of her that resented every first of Zoe's that her father and siblings missed, but there was another part of her that could manage nothing but gratitude that those moments were happening out in the open where she could talk about them and be proud without having to hide it and her. It wasn't that the days went by more quickly after her daughter arrived; it was that her days got that much busier. She had more with which to fill them. There was her regular work, Zoe to take care of, videos to make so that Jim and Josh and Maddy wouldn't feel like they had completely missed out on everything.

There was Tate to exchange little nods of the head and the reminder of the tally of the number of weeks left with when he stopped by the clinic. There was the slightly awkward (but so cute and sweet) courting attempts from Reynolds that stepped up after his illness to gently tease Deena over as well. He was deeply nervous about the arrival of the Fifth. Career military with a wife that had abandoned them early on, his boy had lived with his grandparents since he was a toddler. He lamented to Elisabeth that he didn't really know what he was doing. Elisabeth had countered with the fact that she had been doing this in house as it were for years and still wasn't sure that she knew what she was doing.

The weeks continued to count down, and she was assigned medic duties for the arrival of the Fifth. Tate and Reynolds had both been assigned escort. Taylor wasn't exactly subtle about how he chose his assignments. Deena had agreed to look after Zoe while she went, and the countdown turned from weeks to days to hours to minutes.

Then, almost as if it had snuck up on her there at the end, they were there.

It was as if she could not get herself close enough to them. Josh was tolerating her hugging even though she could hear the slight huffing noise that he was making against her shoulder as he did so (he was being such a teenager, and she gave up her attempt at fighting back tears when the thought came - her son was a full blown teenager); Maddy was clinging to her just as tightly. Her two older children were back in her arms, and she wanted nothing more than to stay in the moment and never let go of them. All the nights that she had cradled Zoe in her arms while wishing that it could be all three of them were flooding over her in a rush of memory and need to make sure that this was not a dream. They were really here. She really had them back. Then, Jim was cupping the back of her head in a gesture that was so familiar and so wanted and so very much missed that she could not help but accept that it was all real. She finally had her whole family. They were in the same place, the same time, and the same world.

She just had to introduce the two parts of it to each other.

She caught Tate's eye over the shoulders of the wife and daughter he had wrapped up in his arms and exchanged a knowing smile. She gave a reassuring look in the direction of Reynolds as he awkwardly patted his son on the back looking unsure and gave an approving nod when he finally pulled the boy in for an embrace that his son appeared to whole heartedly return.

She just had to introduce the entirety of the two parts of her family to each other.

The others, however, could wait. Today would be all about Zoe.

She got called away from her reunion to help render aid to someone who had passed out from the shock of the oxygen rich environment and was surprised to discover that she recognized the man who was passed out cold. It was, she felt herself giggling in her head (she was that giddy), a small world after all. She could catch up with Malcolm later.

Much later - she told herself as they made their way through the trees back toward Terra Nova with Jim's arm around her and Maddy tucked into her side while she made them all walk in an awkward formation so that she could keep hold of an only slightly protesting Josh's hand. She was going to be very, very busy for a while.


End file.
